Every year I try to keep the habit of reflecting on the year gone by. I want to remind myself of what I had gone through; to see from where I had come, so that I can plan where I want to go.
As I write this, I am drawing a lot of blanks.
Usually, I like to see what I have achieved over the past year. This year, however, I did not come into the year with too many goals. As a productive goal ticker, someone who thrives on working for progress, it feels strange not to have a checklist of objectives that I have completed; to not have a measurement for success. It is unsettling to feel as if the year has been wasted if I have nothing to show for it.
It’s a change from thinking of setting intentions rather than resolutions. Here’s a good article that discusses the differences between Plans vs Goals vs Resolutions vs Intentions.
The previous two years were hard enough, so with life and the world in complete flux and unpredictability, at the end of last year, I had re-evaluated what I cared about and where I wanted to focus my attention.
Theme
“This year, instead of working on ticking boxes, the main theme I wanted to focus on was “Connection”. ”
After the isolation that was felt during Covid lockdowns, I realised how important it was to maintain the relationships we care about and to retain that human connection.
During the pandemic, it became pretty evident how easy it was to lose contact with friends and family if you did not make the effort to keep in touch. Without the ability to physically see each other, out of sight slowly became out of mind.
But what is life without the people you love and care about? What is “building memories” without those to share them with?
Also, with D essentially being a Covid baby and the need for socialisation being paramount to his development, this year it was my intention to provide as much opportunity for him to build his own relationships with family and friends so that he could develop into a well adjusted human being and grow knowing that he is loved.
A rough start
I cannot say that the year started off too well. Restrictions were lifted late 2021 so that people could see their friends and family once again for Christmas, but as a result, Covid cases sky rocketed. In the first week of January, D and I had a bit of a cough so I wanted to take precautions and tried to get tested. I attempted 3 separate times, but each time I was turned away because the facilities ran out of PCR tests. Unless you were lining up at 5.30am in the morning and waited in line for several hours, you were unlikely to make it. With a toddler in tow, that was never going to happen. This was when RAT tests weren’t so readily available or even endorsed by the government. Eventually I just gave up trying to get tested. Luckily it did not eventuate into anything more than some minor cold symptoms.
Later that month, Hubs and I had planned a weekend away for my birthday. Last year, I was gifted a wine tasting masterclass in the Hunter Valley. I thought my birthday would be the perfect opportunity to take it up, for our first child-free weekend away since becoming parents. We booked a cute Tiny House on a remote property in Hunter, thinking it would make for a nice peaceful getaway. Oh how wrong I was!
The day started off with a nice brunch, followed by the wine tasting and a picnic amongst the vineyards. However, as we returned back to our Tiny Home, Hubs immediately saw that the door was ajar. He swore he had locked it. As we got out of the car and approached the door, we noticed scrapes all over the handle. My stomach grew ill. We surveyed the tiny room. My suitcase was gone. Hubs’ bag…gone. Even our charging cables and toiletry bags were gone. Our fears became reality realising that we were robbed, and I was left nothing but the clothes on my back, and my new laptop that Hubs thankfully stowed away in a kitchen drawer to keep out of view “just in case”.
The cute Tiny House which was very much lacking in security.
A day after arriving home, Hubs fell terribly ill with fevers and fatigue. He had caught Covid, and a few days later, so did I.
“Worst birthday ever.”
It took me a good month to shake the Covid cough, so I was feeling pretty miserable for all of February. In March, the storms had hit. I had to deal with flooding and evacuations, water leaks into the home and D waking in the night, frightened by the “flashing lights” and thunder.
The next few months was spent managing constant on and off sickness as we reintegrated into society and started to “live with Covid”, enduring sleep regressions whilst adapting going back into the office and general exhaustion as a result from all of the above.
If this was what this year had in store for me I would like to unsubscribe.
“It wasn’t the best start to the year, but growth can only grow from hardship.”
During this time, I joined a Cambodian Australasians Facebook group to connect with my local Khmer community. Two women from this group started a podcast called “The Cambodian Collective Podcast” and from here I discovered the book “It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn. Though I admit, I haven’t completed it, it taught me so much on generational trauma and it ignited a deeper introspection on how I was raised and how it affected me. One night whilst dealing with the stresses of parenting, I had an epiphany: some of my greatest traits (my organisation, my drive, my management skills) stemmed from my unrealised issue of my need for control. Likely, a trauma response.
Since then, it has brought me back to wanting to keep centred and reminding myself to “let things go”. Another book that I enjoyed this year was “Think like a monk” by Jay Shetty which again, brought me back to my interests of mindfulness and inner well-being.
Media
I find that the content I consume is usually a reflection of the stage of life I am in or what is occupying my mind. Some other media I have enjoyed this year are:
Podcasts:
Still listening to Model Minority Moms
“She’s on the Money” by Victoria Devine - Australian Millennial Finance podcast to keep my financial knowledge up to date
“On Purpose” by Jay Shetty
Movies:
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Turning Red
Encanto
All related to healing generational trauma it seems.
Music:
Stray Kids
Taylor Swift - Midnights album
Julia Wolf
Memories
With the world opening up we have been able to go on a few more trips this year and take D to various events including:
Feeding the giraffes at Mogo Zoo.
A weekend away to Bateman’s Bay
Trip up to Sunshine Coast for D’s 3rd birthday and his first plane ride
Ginger Factory in the Sunshine Coast
Bulcock Beach in the Sunshine Coast
Events
Diggers Expo
Easter Fair
Moon Festival
Christmas Events
Christmas Lights
I was also able to enjoy numerous celebrations with family and friends including:
Mum’s 60th
Friend’s wedding
Cousin’s wedding
Friend’s kids and my nephew’s birthdays
And also an activity that we picked up a lot this year, which I hope D will remember when he is older, is going on bike rides….many many bike rides.
This year I have been less reliant on parenting books and trying to keep things in control based on some prescribed method, but instead went more with the flow. I learnt that raising a child is one of the biggest self-help lessons as I reflected on my childhood and my own development and acknowledged that my parents did the best that they could with the resources they had. I realised that most of the life goals that I had made when I was a teenager have been met, and whilst I now plan for my next 20 years, I can also slow down to be more present, enjoy and have gratitude for the life I have built and cherish the connections I have.
