Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash
2020 was a bit of a write off.
When the beginning of 2020 came along I was barely catching my breath as a new mother looking after a newborn. The only thing I cared about was looking after my baby and trying to get some sleep in between. I had given myself permission to let things go as I learnt to adapt to this new life. Unlike previous years where I try to set goals for various aspects of my life, I only got as far as thinking of the theme I wanted to focus on, and that was to nurture my baby and myself back to recovery.
I may not be able to give as much attention as I used to, but you’re still my first (fur)baby Yuki.
My baby was my source of joy. It was my primary focus and became my only focus. All my time and energy was directed to looking after D that I had nothing left for anything else.
And with everything else that was going on, my motivation was depleted and I let a lot of things slip. That is not to say that time was wasted. The first three years is critical to the development of a child, and the year I took off was a special time where I was able to build our bond. Prioritising that time just meant that my life was not balanced and other aspects and responsibilities in my life may have suffered. My exercise regime pretty much disappeared since not going to gym and I feel like my body has aged 10 years, my balcony garden was withered and my dogs not as fluffy as they used to, where Yuki is more of a shade of grey most days than a white cloud.
“This year I want to refocus.”
I want to get my energy back and take care of myself and my body.
I managed to nurture the little one last year, but I didn't do so well in nurturing myself. At least now that D has been sleeping through for a few months now, I am finally getting solid sleep again and no longer as exhausted. I am trying to get back into my daily yoga practices and then slowly work my way up to more strength exercises.
I want to be on top of my life again and regain control.
I want to get my s**t together. Going with the flow was great when a baby is so unpredictable and allows a lot more flexibility and less pressure, but I thrive on structure and routine. I want to rebuild my good habits and manage my time better, balancing my time and energy across all aspects of my life.
I want to do things for me.
Becoming a mother involves a lot of self-sacrifice. You have a whole entire being that is completely dependant on you, so their needs usually come first. Adapting to a new role often comes with a sense of loss of self and identity. Whilst I learn to get used to this juggling act, I want to remind myself to give myself some me-time and keep doing things that I enjoy. I need to be more intentional with my limited time. It's so easy to just want to switch off when the bub goes to bed, binge on some Netflix or Youtube or do a constant scroll on social media. But doing what you love is part of what makes you who you are, so I want to work on keeping my passions alive.
“Here’s to 2021. A new year. A renewal.”
