2020. It had a nice ring to it. The start of a new decade sounded like a fresh start and new beginnings. It seemed promising, but the universe had other plans.
As I lay here in my self isolation, holiday plans rescheduled due to a household overcome with sickness, and the guilt of social responsibility to stay home if unwell, I give myself some pause to reflect on the year past.
“Stay home - the mantra of 2020”
It's been a very long time since my last post. I admit I have been on a bit of a hiatus. Though not intentionally, when life happens passion projects are often the first to be left on the wayside.
It's been quite the year, many ready to leave 2020 well behind us. This year has been a very challenging year for us all. Probably the most difficult in my life to date, topping the year I was sick for basically 9 out of 12 months and completely burnt myself out (but that's another story).
Generally, at the beginning of each year rather than a specific resolution, I try to set myself goals following Lavendaire’s "Artist of Life" workbook. It is where you set an overall theme for your focus for the year and then set goals on various aspects of your life.
At the beginning of this year, I was no way near as organised. After my world got flipped upside down with a newborn baby, my priority was to rest when I could and just go with the flow. Being a mother was completely new and I was not going to be arrogant to assume it would be something I could plan out. I had taken the year off from work to give myself time to learn to become a mum, to get to know my new baby and help him grow.
“I had set no goals, only a general theme of “Nurture”. To nurture my baby and nurture myself.”
But it wasn't just my life that got flipped upside down, the whole world turned on its head.
It started with the devastation of the summer bushfires, the worst on record. Living near bushland we get pretty wary when it comes to bushfires. We are no stranger to being on alert in case we need to evacuate. The bushfire season of 2019/2020 was nothing like we had ever experienced. Weeks of continuous 40+ degree days, hundreds of fires out of control all over the state. Sydney was surrounded by fires to the north and west. During the day, the air was so polluted with smoke I was afraid to take my baby out for fear of breathing in the toxic smog. In the evenings, the skies glowed an eerie orange - signs that the carnage was not too far away. Some days we would find ash and charred leaves in our yard that the wind had swept up. I would be checking the RFS Fires Near Me app every day to see how the fires had grown and if one was going to appear in the bushland near us.
View from my balcony: flood waters getting too close for comfort.
In February the rains finally came to give the firefighters some relief. But the rains came with a vengeance and with it came flash flooding. We live near little creek and in normal conditions, it's a small trickle. But these rains grew the trickle into a roaring river. I remember looking out from my window and watching the waters creep up the bank. The waters rose so high, it had nearly reached the road. There was even news of reckless people trying to cross the flood waters and needing to get rescued.
My building is at the very end of the street, closest to the creek, so the thought of the creek overflowing and the damage it would cause was very daunting. The estate we live in also only has one entrance, so any time the creek floods the bridge that's just outside of our entrance, it means we're stuck and cannot evacuate. Thankfully it never came to that and the water levels stayed a few metres away from my home, but it made for a very stressful weekend.
Then of course in March, COVID happened. The lockdown, the social isolation, the panic buying, the paranoia. The world has never been the same.
Like many others, we were hit pretty hard. The Hubs lost his job, and I was still on maternity leave. With two mortgages to pay and a family to look after we were financially strained.
My baby was only just a few months old. I had only just started to attend programs like the local Rhyme Time, but due to COVID, the libraries and public services were closed. Being a new mother is isolating enough as it is, but when the opportunity to socialise and connect is taken away from you, it becomes especially difficult. I had had all these plans of what I wanted to do in my year off work, like take him to swimming lessons or join Mums and Bubs groups. Now that I’m back at work, they will remain as pipe dreams of a time I wish I had.
One would assume that with all the time spent at home, I would have plenty of time to write. You would think so, but with a new baby, it’s hard to find the time or motivation. With everything going on this year I have been mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I have been so focused on the baby that I haven’t been able to think about myself. I haven’t had much time to sit and reflect and gather my thoughts. It’s been hard to be inspired and difficult to be encouraging when I felt like I didn’t have it together myself and that my own life was unravelling. I often didn’t feel myself and struggled to remain positive.
“It’s been tough, but I’ve just tried to take each day as it comes. Keep at it and things will eventually get better.”
As the year is starting to come to an end, we are slowly starting to recover and find some form of normalcy. The Hubs found employment and I’m back at work. Our son is getting cared for and has learnt to adjust to being without me, and we’re finding a rhythm again. It feels like the storm of 2020 is starting to pass. We’ve been starting to see friends and socialise again. The new year is looking brighter.
This year hasn't been a year of highlights but a year of learnings and character building.
“Patience, perseverance and gratitude is what has helped me get through the struggles of 2020.”
It's been scientifically proven that practising gratitude has benefits to improve your well being. It can help reduce anxiety, sleep better, have healthier relationships, improve physical and mental health by releasing us from toxic emotions and helps us to move on.
Here are the things that I've been grateful and enjoyed this year:
Time to spend with my son and watch him grow
Seeing him laugh and learn was been the greatest joy. We got to celebrate his first birthday. It's pretty unbelievable how much can change over a year. Every day is a new discovery and it's so special to be able to share in the moments. This was the opportunity to slow down. I took a page out of Simone Davies' book (of The Montessori Notebook) and rather than a Bullet Journal that I generally used for work, I kept a daily log of my observations. It helped me be more present with him and made me appreciate all the little changes that I noticed and not just the big milestones.More time with family
Unlike my childhood and growing up with an extended family household, it's just our immediate family unit and our dogs at home. With the new bub, we want to ensure that he grows with a good relationship with our extended family so we've made a lot more effort to visit the grandparents. With COVID and the lack of socialisation with friends, we have really relied on family visits for that human connection. Having a baby has brought a deeper appreciation for our parents and the regular visits have made us closer.Celebrated 10 years together with The Hubs
Through the highs and lows of most of my adult life, he's been there to share in it all. I am so thankful to have him by my side as we navigate through this thing call life. As he says, "Everyone needs a co-pilot".Friends who still kept in touch throughout the pandemic
Social isolation had literally separated us from getting together, but I've been so grateful for the friends who have continued to keep in touch throughout.Becoming an Aunty
I'm so happy for my brother and sister-in-law to be able to finally have their baby. Our extended family continues to grow and D now has a cousin to play with.My sister got engaged
My little sister is growing up! My extended family will continue to grow.
Learning about Montessori and child development
I often get deeply interested in concepts for life. I have been trying to figure what kind of parent I want to be and with not much of a guide, my reading and research lead me towards the Montessori approach to child development and respectful parenting. Most of my readings and content consumption this year has been related to early learning.Celebrated 2 friends’ weddings
We were fortunate enough to celebrate the union of two of our friends this year before COVID hit. What celebration is happier than a wedding?Got to meet a friend's new baby
Playdates for the little ones
Or really an excuse for parents to catch up.Working from home
If there was one thing positive to come out of the pandemic, it was workplaces being able to adapt so quickly to allow for remote working. I'm grateful that I'm still employed after coming back from maternity leave and that our management cares for its employees.DIY crafts
For my creative outlet, I moved from watercolour painting from previous years to cardboard construction. I have had lots of fun creating educational and sensory toys using recycled materials. It's always neat when bub enjoys playing with my creations.Emergency fund forward planning
I'm thankful that we had enough foresight in our financial planning to save enough money in our emergency fund and had that safety net to carry us through the shortages of this year.New podcasts
Favourite podcasts listened to this year include:Child of the Red Woods (Montessori Parenting and Homeschooling)
The Montessori Notebook (Montessori Parenting)
Unruffled by Janet Lansbury (Respectful Parenting)
Simple Families (Minimalist Parenting)
Youtube channels
Hapa Family (Montessori at home)
Matt D-Avella (Minimalism and self-development)
Julia Trotti (Photography)
Blackpink's album on repeat
Their first full album is just 🔥Appreciation for documentaries or shows based on real-life
It could be the Montessori influence that emphasises that books/stories etc should be grounded in reality, but I just gravitate towards content where I can learn from or hearing people’s stories.Crash Landing On You
Crash Landing On You is probably the most enjoyable K-Drama I have watched in a long time. I even managed to get The Hubs to watch it with me.Fine Autumn days
Sometimes it's the simple things. We may have been in lockdown, but I have fond memories of being able to sit in the backyard on a picnic mat with the little one and seeing him enjoy the soft breeze blowing, clear blue skies, hearing the birds chirp and discovering the feeling of grass.
Thank you 2020 for making me more resilient and re-evaluating what's important in my life, but I really hope that the next year will be a little more forgiving.
